Admit it, you’re ugly!
What you gain through taking a hard look at the man in the mirror
Perfection has always been a funny word to me. Rather than in a humorous way, I find it funny in the sense that it describes something that is not actually possible in relation to human nature. With pressure from society, relations, and social media, it is no wonder that many people tend to fixate on the idea of appearing perfect. It is in this facade that a multitude of flaws exists, waiting for any opening to then show its true nature.
Human nature is innately bad, just as it is good. The concept of yin and yang is particularly helpful when trying to understand ourselves. Light without darkness does not exist and darkness without light is impossible. Social media tends to glorify perfection; flashy images on Instagram, lavish lifestyles and perfect relationships flaunted on Snapchat. . . the list is endless. Some children are not allowed to express themselves well into adulthood because their parents have instilled in them the idea that they must always be proper or present themselves in a certain way. Countless women have been told that without this or that they will never be successful or happy. Every day, people ignore their personal gifts — and more importantly — their flaws, because they want to appear a certain way to other people or reinforce false beliefs about themselves.
So why is it, that flawed people do not want to look at their flaws? Why is it that the most judgmental and rigid people hardly ever take time to look into themselves to recognize their weaknesses and faults?
Because it is ugly. I think it is that simple. The bad parts of ourselves are not just bad, they’re horrible. The horrible parts of ourselves aren’t just horrible, they are straight-up disgusting. A number of people have been conditioned to believe that your flaws either make or break you. While this may be true to an extent, the flaws you have can only destroy you if you let them control you. There is an apt short story that illumines this idea:
With relatively short lives in the major scheme of things and the chaos that is life, we are most likely very far from perfect. In fact, our relationship with ourselves and others may be in shambles. While flaws may be weaknesses, refusing to acknowledge them does not mean it is not there. Introspection can be particularly difficult for many because reality can be cruel. The saying “the truth will set you free” is true, but it should also be added that that truth can be heavy to bear and difficult to look at. This, however, is more reason to look at it. It is the things that are broken that need to be fixed.
For some, the alternative to accepting both their innate and external flaws is pointing fingers at other people. The blame game is easy to play because all you have to do is reject responsibility for yourself and your actions. While it may be easy to play, it is nonetheless a dangerous game. In my experience, I have found that people who are not able to accept a 100% responsibility for their actions end up paying a higher price. Resentment. Bitterness. Anger. Those are just some of the prices people have to pay. It is only natural that these negative feelings arise and even last an entire lifetime; people instinctively know that they deserve good lives.
Without taking charge of one’s life, the other available option is simply accepting life as it comes to you. While this may seem inconsequential, remember that essentially, life does not you owe you anything. If the series of events in your life is unfortunate, and you do nothing about it, those negative emotions will rear their ugly heads and you will feel cheated out of the good life all human beings deserve. But who cheated you? Didn’t you cheat yourself?
So how do you get to see yourself for who you truly are? How do you begin to look at the parts of yourself you don’t want to see? How do you acknowledge your imperfections? It might not be an easy journey, but I can assure you, it’s a necessary one. You literally only live once, so live well.
The first step is learning to find comfort in solitude. As humans, it is in our natural framework to crave relationships. Often ignored is the first and I dare say, the most important relationship: the relationship with self. It is necessary to get to know yourself just as you would want to get to know and understand someone you love. Introspection, above all things, must be honest. Lying to yourself is a great amount of effort that takes you nowhere.
I will not say that solitude is something everybody will enjoy — at least not at first. But when you are alone with yourself, learn to be honest, learn to be vulnerable to your self by allowing yourself to feel your feelings completely without trying to bog it down with logic or excuses. It is said that we are our own harshest critics, so most importantly, learn to let go of judgment. Of course, all this is easier said than done, but thankfully, it is attainable.
Here’s an older post briefly addressing solitude: https://medium.com/@sarautamag/solitude-to-be-endured-or-enjoyed-e0be38b8e342
Another route to follow is journaling. Journaling is particularly spectacular because it is just you and a piece of white paper, no one else. While seemingly ordinary, it is a very freeing activity to engage in — especially on a daily or regular basis. That piece of unassuming white paper staring at you has the ability to allow you to be brutally honest. I would personally encourage you to use the traditional pen and paper instead of a phone notebook or any other journaling apps. Trust me (and science-backed research), there’s a difference.
Thankfully, in this day and age, there is more awareness of mental health and the benefits of psychotherapy. If it is available to you, I highly support the idea of seeing and working with a mental health professional. Of course, that option is not available to everyone and in lieu of that, I would advise you to do your research on the topics that relate to your issues! Recognizing your flaws isn’t enough, you need to consciously work on doing and being better. The internet has gifted us with countless resources so if you have an internet connection, there are no excuses! When doing research on psychology, be sure to ascertain that your source is up to date and reliable, as there is a lot of false information flying around the world wide web.
While all this may already seem like a lot of work, the benefits are even more. Learning more about yourself ( especially your flaws) not only allows you to be more conscious of your actions, it also reveals a deeper understanding of other people. And even though it sounds cheesy, you begin to form better relationships with the people around you. This, in turn, presents you with added ease in life because you are learning to work with people instead of against them. Additionally, working on yourself judiciously gives you an irreparable sense of confidence and high self-esteem. And most importantly, you can find happiness. Accepting yourself and constantly working to become better allows you to live your best life and find true personal contentment.
Like I said earlier, you only live once. Why not choose to live well?
